J&A TnT #1: First kiss

It’s November, and I’m writing the ninth and final Jason and Azazel book. In celebration, every Tuesday and Thursday (TnT), I’ll be posting scenes from previous Jason and Azazel books. Obviously, if you haven’t read the series, thar be spoilers in these parts. Read at your own risk!

Jason and Azazel’s first kiss from Breathless:

“You don’t have to hang out with me,”said Jason. “You look like you’re having a great time.”

“You look like you’re not,”I said. “And Toby’s going to be busy talking Eric down anyway.”

“I’m fine,”said Jason. “It’s cool to actually be at a high school dance. I never thought I’d get to do anything like this.”

“But you’re just sitting here alone,”I said.

“You wanna go for a walk?”Jason asked.

“You mean leave the gym?”I said. “That would be against the rules.”

Jason smirked. “Yeah.”

“Sure,”I said.

We walked past the bathrooms. The hall was dark and empty. Jason rounded a corner and pulled me after him. Now we were alone in a different dark hallway. No one could see us, and we couldn’t see anyone else. Occasionally, we heard chattering as girls left the bathroom or entered it, but other than that, we were alone.

Jason took off his eye patch. “Thing’s annoying,”he said by way of explanation.

We’d stopped walking. Instead, we stood facing each other. The wall was behind me. I backed up, trying to put some distance between Jason and me. Jason just moved closer. I swallowed. I was beginning to think this was a bad idea.

I could see Jason’s dusky skin through the opening of his collar. It looked soft, like velvet. His dark eyes glowed intensely through the darkness of the hallway. And he was really, really close to me.

“Um, Jason?”I said.

“No,”he said. “Don’t say anything. I want to talk to you.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Why are you with Toby?”he asked me.

Oh God. This was a bad conversation to have.

“And don’t say it’s because you love him,”said Jason, “because I don’t think you do.”

“Of course I do!”I protested. Now more than ever, I did. “I love Toby.”

“Do you really?”Jason asked, and he was closer now. I hadn’t thought it was possible for him to be closer, but he was. We were practically touching.

“Why are you asking me this?”I said, trying to will myself to push Jason away. Unfortunately, I didn’t really think I wanted him away. I liked being close to him like this.

“Cameron said you were really freaked out when I was gone,”said Jason, his voice lower and deeper.

“I was worried,”I said.

“When I got back, you hugged me in the kitchen.”There was a husky edge to his voice.

My breath caught in my throat. “I was glad to see you,”I said, hating how breathless my voice sounded.

“Were you?”

I fought with myself. Clenched my fists in determination. And with every shred of strength in my body, I squeaked out, “You’re too close.”

Immediately, Jason backed up. There was at least a foot of space between us.

I took a shaking breath. Good. That was good. Wasn’t it?

“Maybe I’m wrong,”said Jason. “But when I saw you in the kitchen, you put your arms around me, there was something in your eyes.”He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was looking at the floor, at the wall, everywhere except my eyes. “Believe me, Azazel, if I didn’t think there was a chance that… If you hadn’t told me what Hallam said, if I didn’t think that there was a possibility that I’d be here for any period of time, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

He looked at my face again. “But I watched you tonight, with him. And I’ve heard people saying things, like you two are going to…”He didn’t seem to be able to say it. “…tonight. And if I’m going to stay here, and I’m going to have to see you every day, I can’t watch you with him knowing that I feel the way I do, and I never said anything.”

Oh God. “Jason–”

“No, let me finish,”he said. “Before you say whatever you’re going to say, just let me finish. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life, Azazel. And you’re so smart and determined and stubborn. And he’s not good enough for you. He’s a dumb jock. He doesn’t see what he has. I’m not saying I’m good enough. I’m… there are so many things wrong with me that–”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,”I said, and my voice shook.

“Don’t do it,”he said. “Don’t leave with him.”

So Jason liked me, huh? This was bad.

“Listen, Jason,”I said. “I think that you are really, really …”

Jason put his arm against the wall, leaning over me. “Yes?”he said, waiting.

I didn’t finish. I looked up at him. His face dipped down, closer to mine. His eyes caught my own, and I felt like I was drowning in their depths. His lips were so near. And they were full–fuller than Toby’s, but somehow more masculine. And before I knew what I was doing, I was cupping Jason’s heart-shaped face in my hands, and I was pressing my lips against his.

My eyes squeezed shut, the world exploded like a bomb had gone off. His lips were electric. Tingles started at the top of my head and shivered their way through my limbs, out my fingers and toes.

I ripped my lips away from his, shoved him away from me.

And I ran out into the hallway and into the girl’s bathroom.

Locking myself in a stall, I rested my forehead against the cement wall. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. Instead, I just grimaced as hard as I could.

What had I just done?